Monday, January 9, 2012

Top Five Worst Movies of 2011

This is my hundredth post and this will be my five worst of 2011. This is a list that will be dedicated to the shit that graced the Silver Screen in 2011 that I had the displeasure of seeing. There were a lot of duds this years so it takes an especially rotting piece of shit to show up on my Top 5 Worst Movies of 2011. These are movies that should only be viewed for their unintentional comedic value and shitty acting. I would also like to take the time to say Fuck You to Kevin Smith, who has become a talent-less hack over the last decade. Clerks and Mallrats are your only good movies, stop ruining genres such as horror and action with your crap scripts and atrocious directing.

5. Paranormal Activity 3- This dishonor goes to Paranormal Activity 3 for being a monumental letdown in every department. At what point do you write characters who will react realistically to a situation. If I saw all of the items in my kitchen levitating and then crash to the floor I would grab my family and be out of that house in about 5 minutes or less. This movie had emotionless acting and had predictable scares which is a problem that has plagued the series from the start. When the trailer has effective scares don't cut them completely out of the movie, just make sure you have more effective sequences in the movie so you don't blow your load in the trailer. I hate whomever created this movie because they took a good idea and took a dump on it. 3/10

4. Scream 4- I know it seems like I am bashing horror movies but you have to understand that they are the easiest movies to get wrong. If one aspect of the movie does not work then the rest of the movie suffers to a fatal degree. Wes Craven should go to Miami and just retire. Anything he has done since the first Scream has been utterly worthless and other creators have recreated his movies and bested his originals in every way. All of the actors in this movie are phoning it in for a paycheck and it amazes me that people actually thought this would be the start of a new trilogy. Why would anyone want to watch two more of these pieces of shit, it you want to see a good horror movie go watch Fright Night because that does a great job with the combo of humor and action as well as horror. 2.5/10

3. Green Lantern- I was really trying to convince myself not to put this on the list because I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. But I cannot ignore the fact that this movie destroyed several iconic comic book characters in my opinion. Parallax is a great character in the comics but is transformed into a smoke cloud that looks like "Galactus'" from the Fantastic Four movie's retarded brother. Abin Sur is glossed over and treated as an afterthought. Don't even get me started on Sinestro, I understand this is an origin story but Jesus, he never plays second fiddle to Hal Jordan. Sinestro is one of the deepest characters in comics and a top 10 comic book villain and they did the character an injustice with the way he was written. Perfect actor, just terrible character development. Ryan Reynolds worked as Hal Jordan but the rest of the movie was pretty shitty and for that it gets the #3 worst movie of the year reward. 2/10

2. Apollo 18- I cannot even describe accurately how atrociously horrific this movie was. No character development, unrealistic camera work, nonexistent story line. Not to mention the movie clocks in under 90 minutes and the bulk of the story doesn't start until minute 40 or so. This movie also can enjoy being the only movie that rocked me to sleep this year. I fell asleep for about 20 minutes and missed nothing essential. Are you fucking kidding me? The ending of this movie was maybe the worst ending I have ever seen in a movie outside of The Last Exorcism. How can you recover footage from a space shuttle that exploded in space. the answer is you can't and that is one of the many gaps in logic for this abortion of a movie. 1/10

1. Red State- Gotta save the worst for last, right? This was the most depressing movie I saw all year and I saw movies about a cancer patient, oppressed house maids, and girl who was raped so she could get some food money. There is really no point in setting up main characters if you are going to kill them about halfway through the movie and the rest of the cast is made up of completely unlikable characters. I really wish Kevin Smith understood the mechanics of a good movie because then he could just write his "witty" scripts and let someone who knows how to direct lead the movie. How does someone who has come out and admitted they are a shit director keep get funding from studios. It really amazes me, just give me the $10-$20 million and I'll film a movie. I bet it will be better than anything that Kevin Smith has released in the last 10 years. I hate you Kevin Smith and it amazes me that your presence alone did not ruin Die Hard 4 for me. 0/10, if I could go into the negatives I would that is how much I hated this fucking movie.