Saturday, March 2, 2013

Dummy of the Week: Michael Bay

I get the fact that Michael Bay is an "action movie" director and he shoots his movies like glorified music videos. I accept that he ruins greats concepts with poor execution, but I cannot stand by and see him destroy a classic movie franchise from my childhood. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a classic comic series that was made into an equally awesome movie franchise. The first two movies are among my favorite action movies of all time. Memorable characters, solid action, and great stories are what made these movies wonderful. The use of practical effects also made this movie great as well.

News of the casting of Megan Fox as April O'Neil is the first sign of trouble for the remake of this beloved franchise. I have a hard time believing that she will be able to convincingly play a tough news reported. She seems more like a slutty seductress than a news reporter. If this is the first sign of things to come, I am terrified of the possibilities. With our luck, Martin Lawrence will be playing Splinter and Peter Stormare will be hamming it up as Shredder. Hopefully there will be no randomly exploding pizzas or CG Ninja Turtles.

Someone really needs to punch Bay in the face as a hard as humanly possible and knock some fucking sense into him. His movie with The Rock and Mark Wahlberg looks decent enough but it is most likely going to be a complete dud. His last "good" movie was The Island and that was mainly due to the nature of the high concept script and solid acting. The Transformers movies, excluding the first, are horrible excuses of movies and Bay really needs to start learning that he does not need to keep overusing CG effects. I would now like to congratulate Mr. Bay for being our first Dummy of the Week.